Monday, December 14, 2009

Christmas Memories - 4

19. Being the foodaholic that I am, a Christmas e-mail from my sister appeals to my sweet tooth. I h ad two calorie laden suckers (cookies) at a seminar I recently attended--no doubt they were intended to bribe us in sticking around for ad lib discussion. It worked. Cookies for Santa were regular tradition at our house. I never noticed they were my parents' favorites. They did magically disappear by morning.

Christmas Cookie Rules...
** If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test and thus calorie free.
** If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it also has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories.
** If a friend comes over while you're making your Christmas cookies and needs to sample, you must sample with your friend. Because your friend's first cookie is calories free, (rule #1) yours is also. It would be rude to let your friend sample alone and, being the friend that you are, that makes your cookie calorie free.
** Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall to your feet and eventually fall off as you move. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
** Any calories consumed during the frosting of the Christmas cookies will be used up because it takes many calories to lick excess frosting from a knife without cutting your tongue.
** Cookies colored red or green have very few calories. Red ones have three and green ones have five - one calorie for each letter. Make more red ones!
** Cookies eaten while watching "Miracle on 34th Street" have no calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.
** As always, cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breaking
Causes calorie leakage.
** Any cookies consumed from someone else's plate have no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to their plate.
We all know how calories like to CLING!
** Any cookies consumed while feeling stressed have no calories because cookies used for medicinal purposes NEVER have calories. It's a rule! So, go out and enjoy Christmas Cookies - we only get them this this time of year!





20. Fruitcakes! Some family members, including myself and Mother loved fruitcake. We even cooked a few, but none beat the world famous fruitcakes of the historic Collins Street Bakery in Corsicana, TX. If you haven't seen their advertising somewhere over the last 60+ years. it would be surprising. We attributed the unique flavor to the native Texas pecans were liberally used. Some vendor usually left one with Dad each Christmas.


Coincidentally, when I found my biological family which resided in the countryside around Corsicana, my bio. maternal grandmother worked at the bakery at some point until she retired. I have toured the original historic bakery which still is the center of the fruitcake activity; there is a long pictorial history inside the building.


The retail outlets for the Bakery are the only source outside mail order or through their website. There is an outlet store also on I-45 and Hwy. 287 between Dallas and Houston, just outside the Corsicana exit and another outlet in Waco at I-35 and Hwy 31.


If fruitcake wasn't already calorie laden, Mother's favorite way to serve it was soaked in plain eggnog. I never calculated WW points; I would probably faint. AND if we had been a drinking family I'm sure a little rum or brandy might have been served on or with the fruitcake which is already soaked in some alcoholic mixture. [Photo: Internet]


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Further indulgency of my infatuation with the Twelve Days of Christmas, a parody that could be entitled A Student/Teacher Twelve Days of Christmas!


On the first day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"do a Project on your family tree"

On the seccond day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"read about bugs and do a project on your family tree"

On the third day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"buy more pens, read about bugs, and do a project on your family tree"

On the forth day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"write about birds, buy more pens, read about bugs, and do a project on your family tree"

On the fifth day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"Do all these things, write about birds, buy more pens, read about bugs, and do a project on your family tree"

On the sixth day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"Please stop delayin!, do all these things, write about birds, buy more pens, read about bugs, and do a project on your family tree"

On the seventh day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"Read Charles Dickens, please stop delayin!, do all these things, write about birds, buy more pens, read about bugs, and do a project on your family tree"

On the eighth day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"learn arabian, read Charles Dickens, please stop delayin!, do all these things, write about birds, buy more pens, read about bugs, and do a project on your family tree"

On the ninth day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"calculate all the fractions, learn arabian, read Charles Dickens, please stop delayin!, do all these things, write about birds, buy more pens, read about bugs, and do a project on your family tree"

On the tenth day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"You cant be sleepin!, calculate all the fractions, learn arabian, read Charles Dickens, please stop delayin!, do all these things, write about birds, buy more pens, read about bugs, and do a project on your family tree"

On the eleventh day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"examples to be cited, you cant be sleepin!, calculate all the fractions, learn arabian, read Charles Dickens, please stop delayin!, do all these things, write about birds, buy more pens, read about bugs, and do a project on your family tree"
On the twelvth day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"Theres lots more work a-coming!, examples to be cited, you cant be sleepin!, calculate all the fractions, learn arabian, read Charles Dickens, please stop delayin!, do all these things, write about birds, buy more pens, read about bugs, and do a project on your family tree!!"

7 comments:

Arkansas Patti said...

I'll send those cookie calorie excuses to my brother, he was the cookie monster in our family. His favorite saying was, "Oh look at that, two of them stuck together."
I am in the rare group that likes fruitcake also. One bar a year seems to be sufficient.
Those 12 days had me exhausted.

Carol@ Writers Porch/ Book House said...

Great post CA ! I like one kind of Fruitcake, world famous Claxton from Claxton, GA. I have heard of yours though but never tried it.

lakeviewer said...

Oh dea, oh my, i'm stuffed with mirth and fruitcake. Oh, I'm in pain. Bring me some eggnog, please, laced with that no-calorie rum, please.

√ Abraham Lincoln said...

I love cookies. The old fashioned ones are my favorites. Sugar cookies.

Small City Scenes said...

Love your calorie rationale. Perfect I am going to borrow it.

Your teacher was so smart---did you do a project every day?

I love fruitcake too. My Aunt MaryAlice made the very very best---my mother said it was because she soaked it in Brandy for monthes. but I don't know anything about that. MB

Patty said...

LOL, love number 19, now pass the cookie crumbs and pieces.

Pat - Arkansas said...

I'm enjoying your 12 days of Christmas examples. Funny!

Have you ever tried the apricot and pecan fruitcake from the Collin St Bakery? I once visited the facility in Corsicana whilst on the way to somewhere else. They had small slices of the apricot/pecan cake out for sampling, and I was hooked! Their regular fruitcakes are yummy, too, but the apricot one is my absolute favorite.

It's cold down here, today, but I know it's even colder where you are. Brrr!!