Christmas Memories - 4

19. Being the foodaholic that I am, a Christmas e-mail from my sister appeals to my sweet tooth. I h ad two calorie laden suckers (cookies) at a seminar I recently attended--no doubt they were intended to bribe us in sticking around for ad lib discussion. It worked. Cookies for Santa were regular tradition at our house. I never noticed they were my parents' favorites. They did magically disappear by morning.

Christmas Cookie Rules...
** If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test and thus calorie free.
** If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it also has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories.
** If a friend comes over while you're making your Christmas cookies and needs to sample, you must sample with your friend. Because your friend's first cookie is calories free, (rule #1) yours is also. It would be rude to let your friend sample alone and, being the friend that you are, that makes your cookie calorie free.
** Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall to your feet and eventually fall off as you move. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
** Any calories consumed during the frosting of the Christmas cookies will be used up because it takes many calories to lick excess frosting from a knife without cutting your tongue.
** Cookies colored red or green have very few calories. Red ones have three and green ones have five - one calorie for each letter. Make more red ones!
** Cookies eaten while watching "Miracle on 34th Street" have no calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.
** As always, cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breaking
Causes calorie leakage.
** Any cookies consumed from someone else's plate have no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to their plate.
We all know how calories like to CLING!
** Any cookies consumed while feeling stressed have no calories because cookies used for medicinal purposes NEVER have calories. It's a rule! So, go out and enjoy Christmas Cookies - we only get them this this time of year!

20. Fruitcakes! Some family members, including myself and Mother loved fruitcake. We even cooked a few, but none beat the world famous fruitcakes of the historic Collins Street Bakery in Corsicana, TX. If you haven't seen their advertising somewhere over the last 60+ years. it would be surprising. We attributed the unique flavor to the native Texas pecans were liberally used. Some vendor usually left one with Dad each Christmas.

Coincidentally, when I found my biological family which resided in the countryside around Corsicana, my bio. maternal grandmother worked at the bakery at some point until she retired. I have toured the original historic bakery which still is the center of the fruitcake activity; there is a long pictorial history inside the building.

The retail outlets for the Bakery are the only source outside mail order or through their website. There is an outlet store also on I-45 and Hwy. 287 between Dallas and Houston, just outside the Corsicana exit and another outlet in Waco at I-35 and Hwy 31.

If fruitcake wasn't already calorie laden, Mother's favorite way to serve it was soaked in plain eggnog. I never calculated WW points; I would probably faint. AND if we had been a drinking family I'm sure a little rum or brandy might have been served on or with the fruitcake which is already soaked in some alcoholic mixture. [Photo: Internet]

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Further indulgency of my infatuation with the Twelve Days of Christmas, a parody that could be entitled A Student/Teacher Twelve Days of Christmas!

On the first day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"do a Project on your family tree"

On the seccond day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"read about bugs and do a project on your family tree"

On the third day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"buy more pens, read about bugs, and do a project on your family tree"

On the forth day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"write about birds, buy more pens, read about bugs, and do a project on your family tree"

On the fifth day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"Do all these things, write about birds, buy more pens, read about bugs, and do a project on your family tree"

On the sixth day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"Please stop delayin!, do all these things, write about birds, buy more pens, read about bugs, and do a project on your family tree"

On the seventh day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"Read Charles Dickens, please stop delayin!, do all these things, write about birds, buy more pens, read about bugs, and do a project on your family tree"

On the eighth day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"learn arabian, read Charles Dickens, please stop delayin!, do all these things, write about birds, buy more pens, read about bugs, and do a project on your family tree"

On the ninth day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"calculate all the fractions, learn arabian, read Charles Dickens, please stop delayin!, do all these things, write about birds, buy more pens, read about bugs, and do a project on your family tree"

On the tenth day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"You cant be sleepin!, calculate all the fractions, learn arabian, read Charles Dickens, please stop delayin!, do all these things, write about birds, buy more pens, read about bugs, and do a project on your family tree"

On the eleventh day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"examples to be cited, you cant be sleepin!, calculate all the fractions, learn arabian, read Charles Dickens, please stop delayin!, do all these things, write about birds, buy more pens, read about bugs, and do a project on your family tree"
On the twelvth day of Christmas my teacher said to me
"Theres lots more work a-coming!, examples to be cited, you cant be sleepin!, calculate all the fractions, learn arabian, read Charles Dickens, please stop delayin!, do all these things, write about birds, buy more pens, read about bugs, and do a project on your family tree!!"

FOTO FRIDAY and Christmas Memories 3

Did you ever have a Christmas that nearly wasn't? I am not talking about sad disasters where the house and contents burned; or poverty or illness left no consideration for Christmas activities.

13. Since Mother mail-ordered most of my parents' Christmas expenditures, she really sweated some slow shipping merchandise. You could tell she was "sweatin' it" as Christmas Day drew near, because she periodically swung by our front door and anxiously watched for the mail truck .

Deliveries were later as the mail capacity increased. Believe it or not, there was a period of time of 2x daily deliveries. As I remember, only once did she have to wrap up a picture for a present.

Remember, there was no Internet in those days, but there was Sears and Roebuck, Montgomery Ward, and ad infinitum mail order catalogs. There was no UPS or Fed-Ex tracking, as there was no UPS of Fed-Ex! Air mail shipping was not in the budget.

14. Dad worked a manager for a small lumber and hardware chain in Texas well over 30 years. Although salary was modest and benefits nil (unions are not prominent in Texas), managerial personnel received excellent bonuses, particularly if their location was perceived as a "jeweled crown" in the chain. Dad's store was a jeweled crown. His bonuses were lucrative for those days.

Persons receiving monetary bonuses in the 40's and early 50s expected and planned Christmas and otherwise unaffordable spending on receipt for such bonuses, the only unknown being the amount. This practice is humorously the focus of National Lampoon's A Griswold Family Christmas. I'm sure most of us have seen this movie with nostalgia. However, there was a Wal-Mart in the movie. There was no WalMart in the time-frame of Dad's bonuses.

The lumber/hardware chain was family owned. As time passed younger siblings assumed positions of authority in the hierarchy of the chain. One year with no notice, the chain discontinued monetary bonuses and gave out some token gift like fruitcakes.

It was a cause of grave concern at our house as most of Christmas was already purchased. Unknown to us siblings was the other obligations a couple must meet, Christmas or not: mortgages, taxes, daily living expenses. There was much consternation between my parents, even a few tears by Mother who felt Dad had been shortchanged for all his hard work. He worked 200% for the chain, often going back to work after eating supper. It was unfair.

Since I was older, Mother told me about it in explaining it in simple terms. We had Christmas; it probably was not as extravagant and there was no big family purchase as in previous years. I doubt my younger siblings noticed any difference. And the importance of bonuses did not sink in my young mind. By the time I entered the workforce, bonuses were nil and void, or mere tokens of what used to be.

15. My husband's sister told me the story of a Christmas long ago. My father-in-law apparently loved his liquor, sometimes at the expense of his family. When I met him this no longer was the case. The family worked in the tobacco fields, and payday was weekends.

Those days were the days of layaway everywhere and anywhere. Any mercantile business had a layaway plan, some with a carrying charge, some free.

One Christmas, FIL cashed his paycheck, bought his favorite beverage and forgot to swing by and pay off the layaway in time for Christmas. Of course there was some explanation to the siblings and the gifts were quickly paid off, but it was not Christmas.

When I married, FIL was one of my favorite in-laws; he could spin a tale like all us Texans, using hyperbole and exaggeration as all Texans do. I loved him. He spent several weeks with us, after my mother-in-law died. It was one belly laughing tale after another. Being new in the family, I believed every one of them.

16. When Mother died it was very close to Christmas. She was the essence of Christmas to us. She so loved every aspect of Christmas. She read the Biblical Christmas story to us. She read all the popular Christmas literature to us. Among these perennial readings was 'Twas the Night Before Christmas. We all sang the traditional carols while Mother played the piano.

Christmas was a very muted celebration. By this time we all were grown and married, so siblings had their own traditions, but these traditions included a trip to see our parents. We siblings clustered around Dad, but there was no joy, mainly a dinner.

17. Christmas in Morocco among Americans was quite and muted. In an Islamic country celebrations attributed to Christians were not allowed. We exchanged gifts, had lavish meals, but no external decorations, caroling, or public displays.

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Not my best photography, these shots teach a lesson of the ignored elements that combine and intertwine with others to make a successful picture: natural element of wind, a lightweight tripod, and human fallibility. The photo at the top of this post was the best of the series, and it cries for some attention.

The following photo(s) ["Straight Out of the Camera"] were taken with a tripod mounted camera on a windy night. The exposures were extremely slow, but metered by the camera, i.e, not timed exposures. They are not very extremely sharp, the point being a general purpose tripod does not assure crisp exposure if there is a strong wind (there was) and a remote shutter release is not used (it wasn't). These are my husband's outdoor lighting of a few years ago.

Christmas Memories - 2

11. My best friend (BF) told me of a Christmas custom started by her mother-in-law(MIL). For lack of a better name I'll label it The Hat Box. As I remember, one Christmas MIL put BF's gift in a old tattered hat box and hide it.

At the family gathering, BF was instructed to follow a string to retrieve her gift. Someone was very creative with the string as it winded throughout the 2-story house and maybe a basement, through closets, and every imaginable and unimaginable nook and cranny. BF said it was better than any maze puzzle or mine field problem, provided much exercise up and down stairs, and humor to the family gathered.

Voila! it ended at a tattered old hatbox which contained her gift. The Hat Box became a tradition at the family Christmas gathering. The duty of the Hat Box gift was passed to the recipient of the previous year. The gift was sometimes white elephant, humorous, or great value, which enhanced the mystery.

After hearing of the tradition, my group of friends adopted a similar HAT BOX, but it took us a long time to find a tattered hat box at a yard sale. Our hat box is literally held together with scotch and duck tape. However, we did not include the "follow the string" tradition.

Currently, The Hat Box resides at my house. I think my husband received it last year. However, we have suspended celebrations this year to dedicate ourselves to serving others less fortunate than ourselves.

Of course, there is always those less fortunate than ourselves, but it is so apparent this year in our area. Regularly, the food pantry shelves are empty. Utilities are shut off for non-payment. Homes with elderly and children are too hot or too cold.
Families cannot afford medical care. Persons are living in cars, some inoperable.

My group of friends have jobs or are retired with various incomes and retirement pay. Yes, some of it is fixed income, and some employees are being furloughed, but we all have some income, and all of us could probably cut things we consider necessities which are not..........hmmm, like TV Cable service, or at least a lower priced tier???!!! Ever heard of a radio? No fees, music, sports, etc. all free.

There are elderly persons, and perhaps poor families who still listen to radios...no TVs in their homes, or it has long since become silent. During the 1000 year ice storm earlier this year, we did not have a single portable radio in the house, but at the time 5 TVs....overkill and non-functioning for 10 days as electricity was off.

12. The idea of service was the genesis of the Christmas Dinner, BF and I organized in 1996 and continued for about 5 years. I was recovering from kidney cancer surgery. BF, I and others were sitting around discussing the approaching holiday season. I said, I was considering volunteering in a nearby town that served a Christmas Dinner on Christmas Day, sponsored by the owner of a nursing home.

BF said, "Why don't we just do one in Bull Shoals?" We looked at each other; a light bulb beamed brightly. The first year was somewhat disorganized. The same nursing home owner donated food and tutored us in preparation and organization.

We morphed it to fit our locale which has many persons living alone without any family. Although we directed our publicity to this group, no one was turned away. Deliveries were to housebound only, and we decided to include the county jail; inmates do not get home-cooked food, only packaged frozen meals.

The meal was free, and we served noon to 3 or 4 p.m. We asked for reservations, but no one was turned away. We delivered to area shut-ins and the county jail. My memory is somewhat faded, but I think the first year we served over 100 people.

Each year the Christmas Dinner attendance grew exponentially. We had musical entertainment, plus the kitchen crew sang, "and a partridge in a pear tree" every time we asked a question and BF, the kitchen sergeant and chef, had no answer. It's a wonder the participants came back next year!

Finally, when our attendance reached over 400, we realized capacity to continue was exceeded in every area. The personnel, facilities and seating space were not capable of handling any greater demand. Since the location was City Hall, the event unfortunately became somewhat politicized. It was time to pass the baton.

Gratefully, the local VFW took the baton and the event continues today.

The first year I remember taking my meal and sitting by a small elderly man who was eating by himself. He told me how delicious the meal was and added, "I usually just have cheese and crackers on Christmas Day." I suppose our feeling of fulfillment with this event has led us to the decisions we have made for 2009.

I know I am happier not knocking myself out with our traditions of frantic shopping for "stuff" and a meal most of us do not need.

I dispensed with my Christmas newsletter and Christmas cards--not because of postage rates, but I doubt anyone wants to hear how many times I visited doctors, and all my ailments. This is my impression of 2009. We did have a nice week's vacation at a resort near here which would be fodder to a funny movie, a la National Lampoon's Griswold Family Christmas Vacation, which I have already seen this year, as I do every year. I have the DVD.

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To continue my infatuation with the 12 Days of Christmas, here is an alcoholic parody which I caution no one the attempt!

Twelve Drinking Days of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas the barman brought to me
A large Long Island iced tea

On the second day of Christmas the barman brought to me
Two margaritas
And a large Long Island iced tea

On the third day of Christmas the barman brought to me
Three vodka Red Bulls
Two margaritas.. hic!
And a larsh Long Island iced tea

On the fourth day of Christmas the barman brought to me
Four Tequila slammers
Free vokka rebbuls
Two margaritash
And a larsh Long Island Ishe Tea

On the fiff day of Chrishmas the barman brought to me
Five G and Ts
Four Tequila slammers
Three vodka bedruls
Two maggaritas
An a larsh lonilanishe Tea

On the Sicksh day of Chrishmas the barman brought to me
Six Harvey Wallbangers
Five G an' Ts
Forty quila slammers
Three rodka vedbuls
Two maguerites
And Allah's longilandicetea

On the seventh day of Chrishmas the barman brought to me
Seven gin martinis
Six Warvey Hallbangers
Five T and Gs
Four Tequila shlammers
Three vodka redbulls
Tomb aga ritas
An a large tong island ice lea

On the eighth day of Chrishmas the barman brought to me
Eight Bacardi breezers
Seven djinn martinis
Six Heavy bangers
Five Giant 'E's
Four Sequila Tammers
Vree todka redbulls
To mar guerillas
And a large long island ticed ea.

On the ninth day of Chrishmash the braman bought to me
Nine Black Russians
Eight Bacardi thingies
Seven mingatinis
Six wavy headbanges
Five Geeantees
Four Tacky slimmers
Free vodka redbulls
Two macaronis
An a large long island eyesh..HiC!

On zzhe tenf day of Chrishmash the barman brought to me
Ten pina coladas
Nine Rack blussians
Eight breecardi barzers
Seven gin tarminis
Six Harvey Ballwangers
Five G and Tease
Forty killer's lambers
Bree rodka vedfulls
Two senoritas
An a long larsh island eyeshtee

Onalevenf dayachrish mush the barman broughtamee
'Leven double visions
Ten pinka ladadas
Nine Rush Blackans
Eight Big mardi geezers
Seven gym art teenies
Six Warvy Hurlbangers
Five Geeunteesh
Four tuck eel us lamb us
Free rodkul vedpas
Two garmoritas
And an eye long large Iceland tea

Onna shwelf dayak rishmusha barman brought to me
Zhe bill.... thasha fur kurralorra money
Hopee tayksha shek forra:
Twenny pina coladas
Twennysheven black russkis
Furrytoo bacardi whatsish
Furryfife Grandma teenies
Furtyshix Heavy Wallbingers
Furtyfive Gin and Its
Turtythoo Sick iller tammers
Twenysheven Vodbul Redkas
Twenny garmartiras
And eleven long Island Iced Teas

Merry Chrishmush. Hic!

If you wish to read a humorous, but somewhat vulgar rendition, follow this link.

Post Script: Apologies for typos and incorrect spellings. It seems the spell check feature has died in my composing and HTML windows today. Wonder what Blogger had messed up now. I am using the older composing version. Maybe it is no longer allowed.