THE CHAPLAIN AND THE COWBOYS



Arkansas Heart Hospital (Internet photo)

 After a morning of admissions from Emergency Room, I had barely returned to normal heart rhythm at Arkansas Heart Hospital when the chaplain walked in, dressed nicely in his brown suit, white shirt and tie. My husband (H) was sitting in a recliner reading a newspaper.

I was supposed to be admitted on the 12th, so we traveled to Little Rock on the 11th where we planned to spend the night in La Quinta Inn and register as instructed at 10 a.m. Tuesday, the 12th. H would spend nights there while I was admitted.

Since I usually hit Sam's and WalMart when we make the very tiresome trip to Little Rock we usually go a day earlier. [We have another trip coming up November 1 to VA for my  H and Nov. 8 with H and best friend to allergist.]

Upon arrival we hit Sam's for some big time shopping as a friend sent a list, too. We were considering where to eat, or snack in the room, when another Atrial F attack hit about 8 p.m. When my heart rate spirals above 100 and I am placidly sitting at my computer, I have learned it is ER time. These attacks involve NO pain, just your heart is trying to jump out of your chest.

Instead of ambulance we went by car to the ER entrance, and amazingly was admitted before an accident victim. It sounds crazy; no doubt the AR Heart Hosp. ER is set up for heart emergencies and only stablize accident victims on a short term basis. Rescue units usually carries accident victims to nearest ER-no matter what kind of specialty hospital it may be.

After an hour on an IV drip I was admitted to the main hospital about 10 hours earlier than usual. Like my previous experiences I stabilized in same time as home, 3.5 hours.

So the Chaplain charmingly and patiently listened to my tale of woe. The he spotted my sparkling new Kindle adorned with a Dallas Cowboys skin wrap. [this skin came for SkinIt. Amazon.com also has some kinds of skins, too.]


Kindle Front Skin



"Oh, you are a Dallas  Cowboys fan," he said. My husband, a non-sports follower of anything, groaned in the background.



I answered 'yes' and Texans, too, but really watch anything that flings a football in the air--not an exaggeration.



We dissected the ailments of the 'Boys for about 10 minutes, maybe more, when he realized it was time to move to next patient.



"I'd like to say a little prayer for you," he said. I okayed it and ask him to to remember the 'Boys too." My husband's face was probably turning a tad red with embarrassment.



But the Chaplain obligingly did pray for both us and the 'Boys.' I  thanked him as he moved on to what he probably hope was a sane patient. I figured he would avoid my room, but I saw him nearly every day.

Kindle Rear Skin



When he left the room, my husband' face had a look of  disbelief with "Why did you do that?" I grinned and offered 'I believe you could pray for anything. I really didn't ask for a win.'

When I told my sister this story she said, "the Minnesota Vikings prayed harder!" I agree with her wholehearedly.

But I have to hand it to the Chaplain to comply with his patient's requests. May the Lord bless and prevent him from further insane patients! But how is he to separate the sane from the not so sane?

P.S. The screensavers are timed to inactivity. The one in the picture is said to  be Desiderius Erasmus by Hans Hobein, the younger.

If you have a Kindle and wish to identify some of the screensavever go to this site: Kindle Screensavers.

Too Distressful, Stressful to Giggle

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. [NIV Proverbs 17:22] See alternate translations here: Proverbs 17:22 . I like "A joyful mind maketh age flourishing: a sorrowful spirit drieth up the bones." [DRB]

Merriam-Webster on-line definition of the verb giggle(s)
Main Entry: 1gig·gle
Pronunciation: \ˈgi-gəl\
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): gig·gled; gig·gling \-g(ə-)liŋ\
Etymology: imitative
Date: 1509
intransitive verb : to laugh with repeated short catches of the breath
transitive verb : to utter with a giggle
— gig·gler \-g(ə-)lər\ noun
— gig·gling·ly \-g(ə-)liŋ-lē\ adverb
— gig·gly \-g(ə-)lē\ adjective

I have not found an appropriate adjective or definition for prolonged giggling, or giggling becoming uncontrollable, prolonged, gasping-for-breath laughter accompanied by tears, ending in coughing spasms followed by an asthma attack. SEIZURE may come close.

My best friend (BF) and I have known each other approximately 30 years. We have innumerable funny adventures shopping, out-of-town treks, coaching Odyssey of the Mind students, arts and crafts events. You name it, we've may have tried it at least once, often with disappointing, but harmless, endings which usually are humorous. When we leave together for any reason, our husbands in unison say, "Don't call us if you go to jail!"

Formally an owner/operator of a beauty shop, she cuts my hair occasionally. Her day job now is journalist, food and on-line editor and blogger for The Baxter Bulletin, a Mountain Home AR newspaper, for which I once worked as a stringer reporter.

BF and I, with another friend, organized TeleCare (A Simple, Single Phone Call). We organized and served a Community Christmas Dinner for about 5 years with the help of many volunteers and groups who donated time, material and food.

Interestingly, we both suffer some of the same maladies, like earaches, allergies, asthma, and sometimes viruses passed between families. We forgive easily for the viral "gifts." BF connected me with her Little Rock allergy and asthma physician in 1991, for which I am eternally grateful. He finally found treatments which returned me to some degree of normal functioning.

But we have a mutual habit that causes mutual stress and distress. We seem to find mirth in similar happenings, events and circumstances. When we, together, or separately begin to giggle, it continues in an unstoppable crescendo, ending only when persistent, uncontrollable coughing and tears becomes an asthma attack!

On trips this giggling has started as a result of our conversation or something we've seen while cruising down a highway. It is miraculous we've never had an accident. When we start coughing and wheezing, we pass the inhalers, labeled "Emergency/exercise inhaler - use 1-2 puffs intraorally as needed."

We are holding inhaler in one hand, exhaling, pressing the inhaler to release 1-2 puffs, inhaling and holding breath for 10 seconds, all the while driving 60+ m.p.h.

The adage, "two heads are better than one" fits us, too. We figured a way to beat the $95 spirometry (breathing/wheezing) test administered when we have appointments with allergy/asthma doctor. We simply puff the emergency inhaler several times in the restroom before entering the physicians's office. I hate paying $95 for a test and failing it. Just doesn't make sense to me...

We ace the test every time. Of course by the time we are through doping ourselves, we have a not-so-fine hand tremor and increased heart rate, side effects of the inhaler. However, if either of us is experiencing immediate respiratory distress, we don't pull this little stunt.

Our allergy/asthma Doc has no giggling solutions, except don't giggle. Now that is NO FUN. Besides giggling is spontaneous. I don't say: "Hmm it is now time to giggle, or STOP giggling!" It's like sneezing, an instantaneous reflex reaction to thought or circumstance.

Doc seemed to have heard this giggling/laughing complaint before. It seems the muscles and nerves required to giggle are similar to those that provoke coughing and breathing disorders.

The sound itself requires use of air and vocal cords. The definition implies breathing is required to giggle: to laugh with repeated short catches of the breath. I have shortness of breath routinely, so "short catches of the breath" are very short to nil, which may be why the end result is coughing (a kind of reverse breathing) and asthma (constrictive spasms of the bronchial tree, restricting proper air flow).

And how much fun is carrying a pharmacy with you, just in case your funny bone is tickled and you descend into uncontrollable giggling and laughing?

'Tis a puzzlement." [from the King and I Broadway musical]

{Photos are my personal medications, all of which require prescriptions. Not pictured are two cough syrups,two oral Rxs and a nasal spray.]

Saga of The Computer from Hell (CFH), Purchase, Problems, Part 1

Luckie does not like this saga as the frequent trips described, resulted her her being boarded at the local veterinarian kennels which she dislikes.

The saga includes references to a big box store and an internationally known computer manufacturer. After reading an article in the NEW YOUR TIMES, the big box store will be named BBS and the computer manufacturer, CM.

[http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/16/business/media/16dominos.html?th&emc=th].

In October, 2007 I decided my husband needed a new desktop computer to replace one I built prior to Windows XP version and upgraded to XP. Nothing was wrong the home-built version, except it was not VISTA compatible. (After two years of Vista this purchase was doomed from the start!)

In this time frame we had frequent appointments at the VA hospital in Little Rock (LR), Arkansas [300 mi. round trip] for my husband's medical problems.

I ordered a slim computer from BBS's website to be delivered to BBS's retail store in LR. The slimmed down model's small footprint seemed ideal for my husband's computer nook with limited desk real estate.

At pickup I purchased an in-store 2-year warranty extension/maintenance agreement and memory upgrade, approximate total price, $600. The warranty extension/maintenance agreement was an in-store subcontractor service.

So far, here are lessons learned from mistakes, #1, #2 and #3 in this story:

1. Never buy a new model on-line without intense research.
2. Never purchase an in-store warranty when you are 300 mi. round trip away from store.
3. Read fine print and ask seemingly stupid questions, like if defective, can I ship it to store.

We made this trip in one day, arriving home late evening, so we did not unpack the CFH until the next day. When we did, the DVD-CD ROM recorder/player was defective, the insertion door did not open; it did not initialize on boot.

Frequent long-distance phone calls to the BBS were fruitless; I was told I had to return it to the store for exchange, another 300 mi trip.

Fortunately, my husband had another appointment at VA; we planned a 2-night stay at a motel. I exchanged the unit; the warranty extension/maintenance agreement was transferred to new unit.

At this point estimated costs of our motel and Luckie's boarding, 300 mi. of fuel (not counting original purchase), long distant phone calls, and dining equaled or exceeded the original purchase. I am beginning to seethe.

The saga only gets worse.

Watch for Part 2.