EPILOGUE: PART 6 -GET ME TO THE CHURCH ON TIME

Recently in a post entitled Fairy Tale, I referred to the fact that a series of posts with the topic of my marriage, was missing a final Part so today, I am going to try to retrieve some of the facts from my 42 years of marriage.

 This blog primarily concerns the trip to my husband's (H) home in Scranton SC, and meet some friends and members of his family, I had not previously met. Let me re-phrase that last part......a lot of friends and members. I'll explain in a bit.

Here are the previous post links:
When Type A Meet Type Z: Part 1 Get Me to the Church on Time
The Path to the Alter Is Not Straight: Part 2 Get Me to the Church on TimeOne Fiancé MIA! Part 3: Get Me to the Church on Time
From MIA TO AWOL! ONE FIANCÉ! Part 4: Get Me to the Church on Time
Dueling Chairs - Part V: Get Me to the Church on TimeDespite the tribulations discussed in the links above, in retrospect, a great number of the seemingly unbelievable events were products involved both our very different  cultures mixed with the military culture. Some of which still arise today, except the military element is gone.

He was from a deep south family, who grew up with limited income; I was from a lower middle class religious family with one breadwinner who wisely and frugally managed to provide his three children and wife with a comfortable lifestyle.

He escaped via a military career, even though monetary income was not what it is today, benefits were certainly better than he ever had. I also participate in his benefits today via primarily the medical benefits, but also monetarily.

With my family's support, and I, with some part-time work, had a college degree in a profitable field and quite independent thereafter. H benefited from my additional income during my working career cut about 5 years short by a bout with cancers.

We both married at ages 34(H) and 33(me). The fact we both were accustomed to singularity may have been both a plus and sometimes a minus in our marriage. Pluses may have been maturity--we had sowed our oats a long time before, and minuses include some unwarranted independence and inconsiderate decisions.


SC Wedding Shower - Mt.Gilead Free Will
Baptist Church-Scranton, SC
L-R Husband, Myself, Unidentified Lady

 We often laugh when we encounter some of our differences, especially cultural and cuisines. We have great fun with a last name of Coward, and both have essentially female first names. Currently we literally are the only COWARDs in our county. There are Cowarts but no CowarDs.

After the wedding we spend several days in my hometown, packing my possessions in a U-Haul trailer. There was no furniture, but it was amazing how much filled that trailer, including wedding gifts.

We also had to wait for a repair shop to fix a small fender bender to my car, which happened near the end of one of the trips to Dallas hunting him down.

There was to be NO honeymoon. I often joke my privilege to accompany him and live in a foreign country, Morocco, was my 2.25 year honeymoon. It was a somewhat life-changing period of time for me. He, of course, literally cruised around the world.

Leaving all that was familiar was somewhat traumatic and our trip to South Carolina was tense at times. I had met his parents and one brother earlier, when I flew into Charleston. His mother had cancer, and was in a hospital, not expected to live. However, she rallied as she had many times over a 5-year period.

When we arrived from the long trek across the South from Texas, his mother had a hot meal prepared, of Shelly's favorite foods. I was quickly informed, and remember her words to this day: " Carol, this is Shelly's favorite foods, and you need to learn to cook them." I dutifully observed and politely ate them.

WHAT WERE THESE FOODS? Brown Speckled Butter Beans, a type of Lima bean, not to be confused with BROWN Butter beans, served with huge mounds of rice.

Both are available as dried beans in South Carolina and nearby states, but difficult to find elsewhere.  Both beans change color when cooked, The plain brown Lima turns very dark brown; the speckled bean changes to a grayish brown color and speckles basically disappear.

[I have posted about these beans previously and some of the cuisine listed in this post. Using search of my labels should find the posts.]

I was introduced to other interesting cuisine, chicken purleau , fish stew and mackerel or salmon scrambled with eggs and served over grits. I did not then realize the cuisine was closely related to the Gullah culture which resides along the coasts of  South Carolina, Georgia and upper Florida.

It took awhile, but I can minimally cook the beans, chicken purleau and salmon/grits, but not fish stew which is a specialty of one of  H's former brother-in-laws. In my later years my health problems caused me to reduce the unhealthy ingredients, primarily fat and salt; hence, the result is the food is not as tasty to H.

Not did I ever realize rice, which is a major staple in the cuisine, came in huge cloth sacks of 25 and 50 lbs. We ate rice and grits in Texas, but I never saw more than a 1-2 lb. box in our home or grocery stores.

H's brother worked at Winn Dixie and other area grocery chains. It was interesting to tour the stores and see items I had no idea existed. I had the same experience in Baltimore.


Gift Table, Mt. Gilead Free Will
Baptist Church, Scranton, SC

 Friends and family had a lovely wedding shower for us at Mt. Gilead Free Will Baptist Church with 21 guests and the newly-weds. Looking at photos in my wedding album, it was wonderful shower, but I appear in a state of shock--not sure if it started with the wedding, or meeting so many strangers at one time. [I had a shower before the wedding in my hometown, but I knew everyone.]

There were many and wonderful gifts, including some homemade quilts from H's mother. She proudly told me H had helped "quilt" one.

We kept the quilts, many years only using and wearing out one,  but in recent years we have returned items closely connected to our families, to the next generation. This quilt went to a nephew of Shelly's as a wedding gift, I think. A "haunted" kitchen mantel clock was given to a niece. The "haunting" is another post, unless I have already mentioned it.

H's father was a hoot and a great storyteller. He shared many tales with me...reminding me somewhat of my later found half-brother--not sure there was much truth in them, but then I am a Texan: exaggeration of fact is ingrained.

H's sister and brother, their spouses and children were about all I remembered in names. His mother had a birth and foster family, all of which were mixed among the people I met. I don't know who wrote her obituary, but it was a long one. 

This motel where we landed and stayed.
All these years I have not noticed
this photo and companion photo(below)
were printed backwards. Notice
license plate, U-Haul, motel signs. 

After a few days in and around Scranton, SC, H reported to duty in Norfolk, and we settled temporarily in a small motel with kitchenette. His ship was to become a naval reserve trainer in Baltimore. The drive from Scranton to Norfolk started in rain but quickly changed to snow in VA.



First temporaray "home" - glad I had a coat
handy as most clothes were in U-Haul!
[Also printed backwards]



During this transition period which lasted about a month, I spent time trekking to Baltimore, reciprocating my pharmacy license and hunting a place to live with appliances. We also purchased what was then called a newlywed household of furniture, which consisted of economical bedroom set, sofa, and small dinette set.

Obviously, entertainment was whatever existed on area military bases. I, a virtual non-drinker went with him to the Acey Duecy club for non-comissioned personnel. I understand the name is a variation of backgammon often played by military personnel. I never made that connection!

Entertainment was music, dancing and drinking. I wasn't much of a dancer, nor was he.

I made a bad decision to try to keep up with him drink for drink. Although I occasionally had a glass of wine or beer in my college days, I really craved neither; food has always been my adiction of choice.

Soon I had a row of untouched drinks before me, and I was drunk as a hoot owl. We finally left; I certainly don't remember how many drinks behind I was. Then we went to Giant Foods, an all night grocery store, and I tried to illegally buy some more beer. H laughs to this day about that as the store's night guard had to tell me I had to put it back. I guess he could have thrown in the slammer.

It was the worst night I ever spent. I slept on the floor to keep the room from spinning. But a good deal of the time I spent in the bathroom, sick. It virtually ended my drinking 'career' as H realized he needed to refrain from alcohol himself, he has been sober 40+ years! Living with me, that is remarkable.

One of the family friends had a floral shop in Lake City, SC. She regaled, to me one interesting tale of  H's many escapades in the surrounding countryside. As I remember, he was home on leave, drinking, had a wreck, knocking out all the lights in Lake City, and putting a huge hole in the mayor's hedge row. That gape in the hedgerow remained until the hedge row was completed removed.

I must interject that we both found that there is a bias, particularly in the military against non-drinkers because all celebratory functions, including promotions, drinking is almost mandatory.

Also, wives who work with salaries exceeding their husbands, as well as non-drinking, spiritual attitudes are considered detriments to their husband's career.

The drinking bias exists in some civilian work environments, such as upper echelons of management or a lot of male environments, including the local volunteer fire department in our earlier years living in the Ozarks.

I , nor H, are prohibitionists, and general non-judgemental of those who choose to drink socially and know their limits. I only wish the same social drinkers were less critical of our choice to refrain socially, or privately.

Finally, we moved to Baltimore where we lived for about three years before the transfer of duty station to Morocco.

We went to his home every weekend he, or I did not work. His mother's cancerous condition was worsening and she died almost two months to the day we were married.

My husband was her favorite child; even his brother and sister admitted it. The short time I knew her I know I would have had a wonderful mother-in-law. She had written me several letters before we were married, which I think I still have along with my husband's letters.

Again I met a multitude of family and friends, all at one time. It reminded me of going to a once in a life-time family reunion, most of whom you never knew before that event.

Unlike many couples, I looked forward to having a mother/father-in-law. At least, I had a father-in-law, but he died also, about 3 years later, when we were living in Morocco.

Although this is a somewhat sad ending to the epilogue. Meeting his family, I'm sure would parallel his meeting mine, in many respects.

However, I was not bitten by a Chihuahua, which was H's introduction to my parents. The little piece of nothing bit him on the shins as we enter the back porch of my home.
The back porch was the Chihuahua's domain as it was where she slept and ate.

41 yr. OLD Photos taken by family(3); myself (1) U-Haul & husband.

Dueling Chairs - Part V: Get Me to the Church on Time

Wonder if those lonely pair of rings will ever find a home?

It is time for the...hmmm.....fun, IF, indeed, any wedding can be fun. Grab a second cup of coffee or ?? and find a recliner, because this post is a LOOOONG one. There may be an epilogue, or two, because we did not arrive at our first home (Baltimore) for at least another month after as brief stint in Norfolk.

In Part 1 I compared our motivational types, A and Z. In Part 2 I illustrated the unusual 13-year courtship, the military aspect, my love of single life and finally engagement and a wedding date, Friday, Feb. 21, 1969. In Part 3 the problems LC had in arriving in Texas from Virginia, being basically MIA--a military term for missing in action. In Part 4 'Exasperated' is the best adjective for chasing an apparition all night in downtown Dallas.

If I had not been nearly comatose from previous two days, we might have thought of "shaking a leg" down the aisle as the couple in the YouTube video below.

It might been more appropriate for me in a hospital gown to arrive on a gurney suffering severe exhaustion, chasing down the groom apparition, also dubbed the 'ghostly groom' in Dallas for 2 days, including 400+ mi. in a car with 4 adventurous friends in tow. Life Companion(LC) might stagger down the aisle, 4 sheets to the wind, especially since he was so adept at dancing on the bar. Maybe he should have worn a white ghost sheet, instead of dress blues. Or maybe he could have pushed the gurney!

Now I think of it, that might have been fun, but we would have had to extend his leave to include the funerals of my conservative parents who would have expired before the church ceremony began. My friends, including 4 adventurous traveling companions, and certain family would have hooted and hollered right along with us.


After arriving home from Dallas about noon, Friday [the wedding day that wasn't], we kept a taxing, whirlwind schedule, (1) stopping by the clinic, where I worked, for our obligatory lab work, (2) LC meeting my parents, (3) contacting the wedding party and invited guests with the news flash the 'ghostly' groom had arrived, (4)trekking to the clerk's office for license, etc., all before 6 p.m. Friday.

The clerk could not issue a license without lab results, promised early Saturday a.m. The clinic was open half a day on Saturday. The wedding was at 7 p.m., but we could fudge a tad--not much, but after a whole day late, an hour or two was nothing! The clerk gave us her phone number to call when we had lab results.

We apologized for having her open her office Saturday. Amazingly, she smiled and said she did frequently. We weren't the only crazies in the world-imagine that!

As I remember, Friday was the first time LC met my parents. Mother took charge of eliciting her viewpoint of my better side, and at least one or two comments about her perception of my less desirable traits, which could have been left unsaid. He'd find out soon enough, without any outside help.

Geez! You expect your Mother to be on her daughter' side, but most of our married life, it appeared she favored LC over me in every facet of our life. Or this may have been her strange way of avoiding the "bride clinging to her mother's apron strings, etc." If you've followed this blog for any length of time, you know I respected and loved my parents but I was never tied to any apron strings when I had a choice.

Already armed with LC's family's kindly information his Mother favored him above his siblings and anyone else, I was an underdog with both Mothers!

The most humorous event in meeting my parents was Mother's ill-tempered Chihuahua nipped LC on the shin as we entered my parent's house the first time. Mother had 3 Chihuahuas before she switched to poodles.

The nipper was named Sugar Baby, who must have been suffering hypoglycemia and decided LC's shin was the nearest fix at her eye level! LC 's dislike of Chihuahuas stems from this painful encounter.

We spent Friday night in my apartment and early Saturday morning we accomplished the critical license when the lab results came in EARLY! Finally, a good omen!

Then it was to the church building to set up the auditorium. LC, my parents and I began to arrange the furniture, the flower arrangements, and the chairs. Everything was going smoothly for 4 individuals not used to working together.

That is, until the time came to set up the folding chairs. We had about 50 chairs to separate and arrange. First we simply separated and unfolded the chairs.

The fun began. My parents set up one side of 25; LC and I set up the other side with an aisle between them and on each side. When we finished, Mother and LC began to make the rows, more or less aligned on both sides of the center aisle. LC finished his side first and decided to help Mother out.

She had arranged her section with each chair directly behind the chair in front. LC had arranged his section staggered, which he perceived gave each person a better view. In both sections the rows were pretty much aligned with the opposite section.

LC began staggering the chairs in Mother's section. Since he was behind her, she did not notice. When she was through, she noticed the chairs were not as she thought, so she started over, rearranging them her way again.

I thought the chair's finish was wearing down to bare metal from all the shuffling. Of course, this was the most amusing situation of the whole week. I just sat down and watched to see how long this setup would take. Somewhere into the second round LC and Mother met in the middle of a section; fortunately she laughed, glad to know she really wasn't crazy; the chairs were not moving!

Although the dueling chair organizers ceased their duel, I don't remember if the two sections matched, There may have been one section even, one, staggered.

We had 39 guests including the wedding party in attendance, so there was sufficient seating.

Somehow everything fell in place. The cake and other reception items arrived. The trio of singers, composed of my best friend (from the second grade), a mother and daughter, were ready.

When we left the church building, miraculously everything was "go."

All we needed to do was dress, and get back by 7 p.m. with the rings. We managed even, though we all were numb with exhaustion.

We all arrived on time and the guests were early! The guests were a nice cross section of bowling buddies, co-workers, personal, family and church friends.

The wedding party of LC, me, the a Capella Trio, minister and one usher were assembled and we actually began on time!

Music I selected was Ah! Sweet Mystery of Life, *May the Good Lord Bless and Keep You (recessional). The trio selected Richard Wagner's Lohengrin Bridal Chorus (processional) and Whither Thou Goest (Ruth 1:1-16). [Links are words and music.]

LC and I walked down the aisle together, holding hands to Wagner's Lohengrin Bridal Chorus. Lord knows, I wasn't going to let him out of my sight, even at the church building. We both probably felt like crawling down the aisle by this time. However, LC has a very slow gait; we looked like zombies en route to the minister at the altar, but we made it without collapsing in a heap.

The ceremony began with Dad standing up to answer the 'give-away' question, (her Mother and I). He refrained from adding, "Thanks be to God, she finally made it."

We recited traditional vows and exchanged rings, after a short wedding- fairly traditional-sermon. Glad it was brief, my feet were killing me in those heels.

Finally, it was over! Let us at the cake...I was a foodaholic from birth. The reception was small. Of course, there was another glitch-the printer spelled my husband's (LC) name wrong on the napkins. He spells his first name, Shelly, without a second 'e!' After the reception of relief, a friend whisked us away to our honeymoon...my apartment. There was no time for a fancy trip to some remote hideaway, unless Baltimore could be considered in that category. I never heard anybody say, "We're going to Baltimore for our honeymoon!"

If Morocco had not been 2.5 years in the future... guess we could have called it a delayed honeymoon, but with the military intervening, it hardly met that criteria. Morocco was one of the most eye-opening, learning experiences for me, transforming my core values into less provincial and more conciliatory of people who are unlike me in every conceivable way.

We had a car to repair, a trip to LC's home where his family and friends waited for more celebration, a wedding shower, and then the military owned us. Plus we had to pack a small U-Haul with my possessions to tow en route.

Enjoy this video from YOU TUBE of the TITLE SONG used as basis for this series of post. I prefer the movie rendition with Rex Harrison and Julie Andrews.


As one of my followers commented, this saga would probably only have been one post, if we all had had CELL PHONES which were non-existent in 1969!

Part 5 ends the saga of Get Me to the Church on Time. There May Be An Epilogue or two, about the trip to South Carolina and Baltimore, via Norfolk, VA. Two months after our marriage, LC's Mother died.

*I actually requested this hymn, God Be With You Till We Meet Again [words and music link] as I was leaving all I knew to blindly trust and follow this man to far away places, unknown to me. My world, even though I traveled as a single person, always ended up in Texas, somewhere close to family and friends. Of course in Texas that can be, and usually was, 200 mi. apart! Even now, this hymn is a "grab the Kleenex box" funeral song.

However, the mother (who had a MA degree in music education) in charge of music mistook my request for this hymn with several similar titles and selected the one listed in paragraph about music selections above. The message is the same--but just one more glitch in what can go wrong on the way to the altar!!!

PHOTOS - old and faded; I did my best with the photo editing program.
Photographers were friends. No professional wedding photographer - imagine how many bucks I'd been out with all the postponements!

Thanks to my brother & his wife in Brownwood, who retrieved most of these pictures for this post from family musty family albums and boxes.

[Beginning at top]

1. Hers & His Rings finally find their home!
2. County Record - we finally received that elusive license.
3. Church where wedding took place.
4. Bride & Groom leaving Bride's apartment for the church.
5. Finally at the 'alt r' with minister - the minister momentarily had difficulty with the bride's ring. Shelly appears amused. I appear ready to jump in and help him. I wasn't going to lose this elusive ring.
6. The Groom finally has ring on his finger.
7. Finally, the minister says " I present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Shelly Coward!" (recessional with wedding license in hand).
8. Bride & Groom with Bride's parents - reception.

[Some one needs to show me how to put captions or cut lines with my photos. I tried to follow this Blogger help but it did not work for me. I'm using Blogger classic because it has spell check. Last I heard the improved version did not have spell check. Captions in the improved version is easier, I've been told.]